What would you do?

I just made a really hard decision. Perhaps as you read this, you'll think I'm naive and inexperienced in life's choices, and that's probably true. It doesn't negate the fact that this was really hard for me.

As most of you know, Brian and I moved to Pittsburgh about a month ago. I just graduated from BYU in August, and my major (International Relations) isn't very employable unless I have a Master's (and honestly, even then I don't know what I'd do). My minor is slightly more employable, and ideally I would have found a job in Pittsburgh that included an editing role. The past month involved applying for too many jobs to count, and most were jobs that someone without a college degree could perform, which was humbling and frustrating. I finally got asked to interview at the Everest Institute in downtown Pittsburgh. My understanding is that they're basically a trade school: students of all ages pick what they want to do from a list of programs (massage therapy, paralegal, pharmacy technician, etc) and they receive specific training to successfully perform job requirements. Many students are the first generation of college goers in their family and come from difficult home situations and did not do well in high school. It would be my job to contact the high school demographic of potential students and inform them about the programs and, if interested, get them to commit to Everest for the fall. I would then follow up with them, give them tours of the campus, and help them (albeit in a minor role) until they graduated nine months later. The man who was my liaison with the school was very up front with me: despite the official job title of high school admissions representative, I'd be a sales rep. I was selling the school to these high school kids, and I could make upwards of 200 phone calls a day. I'd live on the phone while I was at work. He had done the same job before, and he said it was really hard. What really impressed me about him and everyone else I talked to at Everest was their passion for helping people. It was energizing and empowering. My hours would be 8-5 M and W, 11-8 T and Th, and half days F and S. I would get paid $38.5k and have benefits. I would drive the twenty minutes to a parking lot outside of downtown, pay the $5/day to park there, take a free bus into downtown, and work in the middle of bustling Pittsburgh, on the 12th floor of a building off of Forbes.

Right after my final interview with Everest, I received an email from one of the nannying jobs I had applied for. I would nanny for a sweet six-week-old infant girl named Mila, whose parents lived about a mile from my house on a street right next to Highland Park, where I run to almost every morning. The parents were extremely welcoming and, despite my lack of documented or formal experience with infants, thought I was the perfect fit for their family. I would help sleep train the baby and was welcome to any and all of the food in the house. A cute little dog named Atea would accompany Mila and I on walks around the park. I would get paid $13/hr ($2 more than the average for nannys in the area), have paid vacation time, and would work M-Th either 8-5 or 9-5 depending on the mom's schedule. Having Fridays off would enable me to much more vigorously pursue freelance editing, which would result in income while Brian and I were in Portugal in a couple of years.

Maybe you already know which one you would pick. My purpose in looking for a job was to supplement our family's income and allow us to save for our future family and expenses. I also really wanted a job where I could help people, which is a vague way to make up for what I don't always get out of editing. Editing is great and I love it, but the results are less obviously bettering people's lives than other careers, such as a teacher. Both jobs wanted me to start this week.

What would you do?

Our day.

I woke up too early. But really, it's completely excusable taking into account what day it was. Just my wedding day, no big deal. No wait, very big deal. Biggest deal of my life to date.

I stared at the ceiling. It was already light out and the sun cast cool shadows from the lacy curtains on the ceiling and wall. I didn't really think about anything--just basked in knowing what was coming so soon. It was a surface basking. Nothing had still quite sunk in yet. I wasn't used to Brian and I being in the same country yet, so the fact we were actually finally getting married today certainly hadn't sunk in. But time moves on whether you're ready or not.

Ellen didn't have to do too much to my hair again except pin it back up. The natural-toned makeup was quickly and lightly applied, and the fake eyelashes once again glued on. I felt exactly the way I dreamed of feeling on my wedding day: beautiful.

We drove to Boston, me and Mom and Corinne and Dulce and Brian. Given the earliness of the hour, most people caught a little shut eye. I just held Brian's hand.

Brian and I got to sit for awhile in the celestial room. Awhile is relative; I have no idea how long it actually was, but I felt like it had been the perfect amount of time when we were asked if we were ready to go to the sealing room.

From here on out, I admit, details are a bit fleeting. Walking into the sealing room, I saw Ellen and Ashley, which triggered the tears that turned into a continuous stream until I returned the the bridal room after the ceremony. Ellen had forgotten her temple recommend (same as me at her wedding!) and Ashley had been really sick the day before, so to see them both there, along with my other sisters and parents and extended family and Brian's family, was really emotional. This was my eternal family in this room! I didn't need to believe the plan of salvation was true; in that moment, in that sealing room, I knew it. I knew I could be with my family forever. I knew that Brian and I could be together forever if we kept the covenants we were about to make. The tears in Brian's eyes signaled to me that he felt it, too. And so I cried, fairly hard, during my grandfather's words that bound us together, while I said, "Yes," and especially while my family and his family walked by and hugged us on their way out.

I had the bridal room to myself. Mom helped me into my dress, Ellen fixed me up again (thank goodness), and Grandma positioned Brian at the end of the hall so he could see me right when I walked out. Of course, he couldn't just watch me walk down the hall to him; he quickly came by my side and escorted me out of the temple, where cheers and camera flashes awaited our first official kiss as husband and wife.

And the rest is history. After a lot of pictures and subway at the luncheon and final goodbyes to loved ones, we got dropped off as husband and wife at the cruise terminal. I'm not sure when it will sink in that I'm finally married to Brian. It's been three months, and I still get sad every morning when he leaves at 7:30 and excited every night around 7 anticipating his return from school. I even catch myself admiring my ring like I just got engaged. I suppose I thought eventually I would be accustomed to being Brian's wife. It's the status quo now, and I usually adjust quickly. But not this time, and I don't mind a bit! While every day isn't roses and gumdrops, every day is an opportunity to serve and love my other half, and I can't imagine being happier. Except maybe if we had a kitchen table and chairs. 

Hello, Pittsburgh.

No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Sometimes I feel like it, though. I really wish I had an iPhone or a camera so that I could document every step of this crazy time in Pittsburgh, but I guess a picture couldn't really capture the relief of having a working fridge after three days of no electricity, or the panic of being lost on my way to Bed, Bath & Beyond (again), or the taste of the homemade tomato sauce, dowry rolls, and reverse whoopies I made for dinner. A camera could capture our beautiful high ceiling apartment with its big windows and wood floors, our lack of furniture (we just got a desk chair! Yay for sitting down!), and the lush, green hills that make up the majority of Pittsburgh (and make my runs extra hard).

It's definitely been more difficult than I thought it would be to move out here, which I don't like to say because everyone moves and why should I whine about it! But luckily, I have a husband who loves me and works hard, an awesome ward, a functional car, and maybe even a few job options (like receptionist at a pet hospital. Sweet, right?). Life is good.

Blog posts to come: Wedding Day, Honeymoon Cruise, Camp Kesem, Life as a stay at home...wife.