Missing Ellen.

Ellen sort of epitomizes my BYU experience, probably because she made it the awesome four years that it was. Ever since moving to Pittsburgh, I've reflected often on my time in Provo. I wanted so bad to be done and get out, and now that I've left, I miss it like crazy. 

Disclaimer: I love my life and feel blessed beyond comprehension. But we all get down, right? 

Lately in particular, I'm not sure why, I have felt some acute Provo longings. But it's more than Provo, it's how things were two, three, four years ago. I miss living with Ellen, having her get me ready for fancy dances, going to church in a singles ward where the demographic was basically uniform (single students), sharing groceries, talking about random people we ran into during the day, sharing clothes, talking about the gospel. Doing spontaneous things like going to the hot springs or driving to LA for a three-day weekend. Crying from laughter for the most random things (hurricane? tornado? sleeping), or crying because the other was hurting so bad. Anticipating the future with whomever we would end up marrying. I wanted to get out of Provo because I was tired of the responsibilities that required 14-hour days to fulfill. Perhaps because I have spare time, I now really miss the fun times at BYU, usually made fun by Ellen and the ideal friendship she showed me. 

Freshman year, preference '20s dance.

Sophmores, going to General Conference for the Saturday sessions.

Junior year, trip to LA

However, I believe that such looking back can be detrimental to my motivation to move forward and accomplish things now. Matt gave a really good Sunday School lesson today that helped me realize a constructive way to remember the good times but not wish I were back in them. He quoted Elder Holland: "We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future." I can take those good times Ellen and I had and know that because of those memories and experiences, we will always be best friends! I miss her dearly, and instead of wishing I was her roommate again, I can be comforted in knowing that I have a friend for life! It will take some time to reformat how I think about my BYU times, but I'm looking forward with faith and know that God has great things in store for me and Brian. 

In other news, Brian and I went to his winter formal for engineer grad students. Disappointed in the food, but the Carnegie Music Hall was a beautiful venue! And it was fun to meet Brian's fellow student compadres. I missed having Ellen do my hair, although we did go out and buy me a fancy dress that I will wear on all future formal nights on cruises.

Brian and I with Subhro and his girlfriend